May Day...(mayday, mayday!)

In Scotland, some of the University of St. Andrews students party on the beach late on April 30, and run into the North Sea at sunrise on May 1 (May Day)...sometimes in the nude.

Sounds like fun right about now, as it is getting hot and steamy here. My energy is just sapped lately, and I am slowly getting it back. The past few weeks have been a mess of work, schoolwork, and basic "life-repair."  As many times as I say I intend to take care of things that nag me, no matter what.

Two biggies are happening this month, and I am excited and terrified.  The first thing is nothing to be scared of--I am finally rebuilding my credit. Let's just say that I had amazing credit (thanks to paying a student loan off in full and keeping up with all my bills) up until about 2006.  I would have to back up about four years, though, to tell the whole story.  When I first started getting sick, I did rely on conventional medical avenues.  I went to doctor after doctor for test after test and took pill after pill.  Thanks to my payment history, I somehow received a credit card with a limit that was over two times my then-salary. I know, right?  When my insurance stopped paying, I made sure my doctors took AMEX.  At one point, in 2006, I was taking a medication that cost $780 a month with no insurance.  (Some of the things that employers call "insurance" are complete jokes. Hm.) (This was also the last chemical pharmaceutical or OTC drug I ever took, save for an antibiotic drip they forced on me when I had a staph infection. Sure, it made my sciatica pain go away, but it caused some ridiculous side effects.  And cost $800 a month.)  Add to this my "cure" for feeling sad/depressed/angry about feeling unhealthy and getting no help at all: shopping!  I bought any damn thing I thought could help.  Every back pain device, home exercise machines, books, and of course, my retail-therapy-marathon clothing binges.
A few years later, I am much healthier, but my credit score is a little bit sick.  Mind you, it isn't terrible...it just isn't good enough to say, get a loan to buy a condo some day when we move.  (I'm surprised...I would have thought it would be worse, but who knows?)  I considered getting a secured card (a "credit card" that you have to back up with a savings account, and yet still pay off) but waited a few months, never wanting to sink $500-$1000+ into this thing that I would still need to pay each time I used. (It's not a debit card. You only get your deposit back when you no longer want the account and close it.)  I have watched my score gradually inch up month after month (I assume from paying my student loan?) and finally, the other night, applied for a regular old credit card.  The same one, in fact, I had when I was 18, in college, and had no credit.
And they approved me.
This should not be exciting.  This is an everyday thing for most people.  I'm pretty sure, though, that many people have no idea how credit works, why some people get approved and some don't.  Honestly, it makes no sense to me sometimes.  All that aside, though, I am ecstatic.  I can start working on the one thing that overshadows my financial health.  (And of course, I can buy things that go on sale even when I don't get paid for another week without using my school savings money.  Sale day will no longer be depressing as I watch things sell out Tuesday when I get paid Friday!)

(Yeah, my mind always goes there.)

The other thing I am excited about?  Since I no longer have to spend part of my next paycheck on this secured card (as I was planning to do) I can use it for something else. And I know just the something else to use it on.

This may come as a shock to you, since I am constantly talking about toxins and poisons and won't even touch tap water...but I am considering Botox.  Before you scream, let me explain.
I have suffered from TMJ and jaw clenching and teeth grinding since...well, forever. I have spent thousands on mouth guards, splints, and devices.  I have chipped teeth but can't get veneers because every dentist says I will just break them or grind them down, and waste $20,000.  It's a nightmare, it really is.
Because of this lovely condition, one of my jaw muscles is slightly larger than the other.  People say they can't notice, but I do. Every day. I quit yoga for six months because I could not stand to look at my dumb-looking face.  Besides, it is also painful. I get headaches.  I don't sleep well.
I can help reduce all this by making sure I eat my 100% raw diet, stay away from stress, and chew as little as possible.  (The stress one is kind of impossible, though.) 
I could, if I wanted, have a $35,000 surgery that would make my face symmetrical.  I do not have that kind of money, and I don't really want surgery.
A few weeks ago, I was reading research about Botox and TMJ, and studies that were done showing the effectiveness of Botox in reducing TMJ problems. I also,  in a fit of boredom, googled "jaw reduction" and imagine my surprise when I saw that some cosmetic surgeons were using Botox to reduce the size of an unevenly-enlarged jaw muscle (or masseter.)  I freaked, and started looking for doctors in the area.  I mean...surgery, no way, can't afford it.  Botox?  A stretch, but doable.  Best thing?  Botox for wrinkles must be re-injected about every six months.  Botox for jaw reduction?  Should be permanent after 2-3 treatments, as long as you don't start chewing gum (a habit I find disgusting anyway) or gnawing meat all day (also repulsive). 
Yes, Botox is a weak toxin.  I am still deciding whether or not to even do it.  My rationalization is that I will not be doing it forever.  Many homeopathics, which I do use regularly, are basically very diluted toxins as well. 
My consultation is May 18.  I hope she says that she can do this, or will try.   I am not going to have her inject my jaw immediately.  I am not sure how my body will react, so I will probably have her do between my eyebrows as a "test patch."  If that muscle is paralyzed for six months, it will be an annoyance. If I have a bad reaction and immediately inject one entire side of my face? Nightmare.  Better safe than sorry.
I wear my face every single day.  I have no desire to hide behind my hair for the rest of my life.  If this can make it even 50% better, I will be happy (of course I wish it would just go back to normal. A girl can dream.)
I don't want to avoid cameras and mirrors anymore.  I want to smile and not worry about which way to turn my head. 
Sorry for the long post!  I needed to get that out.  Now excuse me while I go run naked into the sea...